The roach inside of me does not FIT.
Stripping my nerves, this
wretched, fuming intruder
objects to every move I make,
encroaching upon my daily pleasures,
dragging me back to its crypt of
spider scum and dusted death. This
insidious insect got in the wrong tree!
Scratching, screeching, stabbing,
away at the knarred bones that don’t belong to him
he is stuck in a living thing - me!
His habitat is rot.
The bug is on a nasty mission I think,
for he wars with my limbs reaching
for rosebuds climbing toward the sun,
or for a simmering pot, or
cradling dozing babies,
and holding comforting hands.
This vermin is stomping mad, I can feel him – all hot and foaming,
searing his vile temper through my twisting vertebrae,
mashing crackled crusted scale against ligaments
clinging to crushed joints in crooked fingers that
fold fresh linens, scoop chocolate ice cream into sugar cones,
or pull combs through flyaway curls.
The chomping cur feeds on my will, drains my resolve.
Enough of my crustaceous war,
I try to win the battle in my sleep,
But, these cucaracha scurry nocturnally!
The raving roach rants at my torpor
and is a crazed savage by morning.
I beg him, “Please let me be! Find another tree,
a garbage heap, or some ancient dank cave!”
I fear I will soon look in the mirror and see
his probing wet antennae protruding through my ears,
and those bulging bug eyes glaring back at me.
I, with the roach, would then seek endless night.
What will kill off this evil creature?
What pesticide can I swallow, what gun to fire, what cliff to leap?
to be free – I could pierce this cockatrice with a laser white light
by a sorrow I share, a grace I give, or a prayer I pray ~.
Oh! That I would let the miserable bug be, to release
the pain that rules me, to then
embrace the love that rescues me.
Maybe I could believe
that pitiful pariah
has disappeared to dust,
leaving space for my soul
to flourish again.
Perhaps gilded butterflies
could then take wing to whirl
with my weary spirit at dawn,
and a glistening ray of hope
will carry me softly, gently
to a new day.