Decades of experiencing chronic pain has taught me how to be more patient. Believe me, this was quite a battle because the stabs of spasms were tempests of pain I had never before experienced. Many days I was rendered a wailing wild woman. I quickly discovered I was not the Queen of Pain.
I had visions of clutching the bottom of Jesus’ robe, like the ailing woman in Luke’s Gospel, not with dignity or sweet faith, but with clenched teeth, hot tears, begging, “Jesus! Make it go away!”
As the years went on and I sought medical help, finding no more solution than just temporary relief with mind-numbing pills, I asked others to pray for me and waited as patiently as I could for healing. Through that time, I learned to pray by myself and found comfort in my conversations with God. I tried to be articulate and intentional in my praying, adding Scripture verses I memorized. I hoped Jesus would hear my voice and touch me. Heal me.
I remember the day I told the Lord it was okay if He didn’t heal me, and I surrendered my pain to Him. There was nothing I could do on my own to change this unwanted course of my life. I asked Him then to just give me the grace to bear it. In that prayer, I felt withdrawing from me not the pain, but all the anger, disappointment, and bitterness from my soul. The Holy Spirit then breathed deep and whole, expanding my heart. I knew there was another way to live with this pain. I would be obedient to my Jesus through it and allow His grace to pour through me.
I thought, “Surely this was His purpose for the pain and someday I will please Him in it.”
“He made His disciples get into the boat and go before Him to the other side…” (Mark 6:45)
Sometimes we have the idea that God is leading us to a particular goal or purpose which we just have to hold on to until we get to it. We want something new and we want to do well. I have been waiting for healing, pure and simple. In the meantime, I have been working on faith, prayer and obedience, and trying to earn it.
When the disciples got into their boat and went off to sea, Jesus turned to a mountain where He could go to pray. Meanwhile, the boat headed into stormy waters.
When a storm hits our life and it seems we are doomed to the winds and raging waters, Jesus is with His Father praying for us. His eyes are not on the tempest and swirling waves. His eyes are on us and He knows our terror and hears our cries.
“When it was almost morning, Jesus came to them, walking on the surface of the water…”
In the midst of our pain, Jesus is praying for us and He is coming to us. It all happens in the midst of what appears to be wreckage and disaster. While we are begging for the storm to be over, our Savior is walking in the storm with us. This is what we must see in our times of suffering. Not when the storm will subside, but that Jesus Christ is walking with us on those turbulent waters. He is present!
“Don’t yield to fear. Have courage. It’s really me – I AM!”
Then Jesus climbed into the boat with His friends, and the stormy waters calmed.
Just like that, He, too, is in our boat. God wants us to know His Presence in the moment – to see Him walking on the water, now.
What relief, freedom, and joy when we fully grasp that the past can no longer pull at our longings nor the future at our disappointments. The Lord is with us now and all is well.
“God’s purpose is to enable me to see that He can walk on the storms of my life right now.” –Oswald Chambers, “My Utmost for His Highest”
This is the last acronym of pain – the “N” for NOW. The gift of pain is not what is next or when there is something new, finally. The gift is the knowing that God is with us NOW and in that only and wholly, can we glorify Him. This is His purpose in all of our suffering, pain, and loss – that we see Him walking on the waters with us – Now.
In pain is the gift of knowing “Immanuel, God with us” now.